Assumptions
It’s natural to make assumptions. Making assumptions is like stereotyping. They’re tools we use to categorize things, people, and situations. It makes navigating our everyday experiences faster and easier. On the other hand, when you react to your assumptions, particularly about other people, you’re possibly setting yourself up for negative feelings when none are warranted.
To assume something is to suppose something. Webster’s says “suppose” is:
- to lay down tentatively as a hypothesis, assumption, or proposal
- to hold as an opinion, or to believe
- to think probable or in keeping with the facts
All these definitions have an element of uncertainty in them. So, to act on an assumption in a way that causes discomfort is folly; it creates an unnecessary drama since the facts are not actually known. Our understanding is incomplete. We’ve all heard Wilde’s expression: “When you assume, you may make an ass out of u and me” …
Instead of forming a singular interpretation of a situation, what about exploring the range of possible explanations? Our emotional state can get wound up in our interpretations, which may be entirely false – not helpful. Why not approach the process of understanding with neutral curiosity instead?
Just this morning, I made an assumption about why I haven’t heard back from a would-be business colleague. My mind immediately assumed it was because he didn’t see sufficient value in responding to me. How the hell do I know if that’s why he hasn’t gotten back with me yet? How is that assumption in any way productive?
It’s Monday morning, barely business hours, he may (likely!) have 100 other, more pressing issues this morning than responding to a prospective colleague. (For the record, this person has since responded. I’m pleased to report we’re already corresponding in a supportive, collegial way. Gloomy assumption debunked!)
If we find ourselves making assumptions about another person’s behavior or intentions, maybe it’s better to have the courage to ask them, outright, for clarification – to get the story “from the horses’ mouth.” And preferably before traveling miles down a dark path that can cause upset and drain your precious energy.